I don’t grade people on scales, anymore. I used to ask myself, “what is an acceptable percentage of this relationship for negativity, abuse, stress, or anxiety? They are really awsome most the time, but when they get mad… they really go off on me…”
No, not anymore. For me, it’s more like a two-part litmus test.
Part A: Is this person actively working on themselves? Are they on a path, like mine, to become a better person and more spiritually connected? I can be extremely patient, if the answer is yes to this part, and share my experience and hope; in hope of helping and walking beside them on their path.
Part B: Does this person have a positive energy and positive nature, to them. Do they look for the beauty in things or do they use their past as an excuse to create drama, anger, anxiety, and negativity? Do they boost my energy and help me reach my goals, or does being around them drain me?
If the answer is yes, to either part of these, than this is someone I can consider as a friend. Of course, there have to be other connecting factors or commonalities in there. But, in the past, I would allow anyone in my life. Especially, if I thought I could squeeze some benefit out of it. Usually, there was a sexual component to the relationship. Others were there to listen when I wanted to rant and rave – a one way street, for sure. The rest were family, and I would only surface when I was able to put on my “everything is great” mask.
I no longer create versions of myself or change to avoid someone’s wrath. I don’t force friendships or worry about what they want me to be. I don’t try to be something that I’m not.
I have chosen happiness, joy, self-discovery and self-love. I pour my energy into that. When I am practicing this, and I am with someone who is working for the same thing, the friendship is effortless. Full of understand, acceptance, and love.
In the past, there were a few very very good people who I let in. They were whole and happy. I wanted what they had, but couldn’t figure out what made them that way. I was intrigued. I studied them. I tried to mimic. But after a period of time, they would just disappear from my life.
I thought, “most of the time I have been the BEST friend (or boyfriend) that you could ever hope for!” MOST of the time, is the key to that statement.
But, I was confused, felt rejected, and was angry. I then went off to take it out on someone else.
“How dare they!?”
I understand why, now… I had not passed their litmus test.