I realized, tonight, that I had lost my organizer/billfold. I had just gotten paid on a job and it was filled with cash. Also, my idea book filled with contraptions from my mind with the math, diagrams, and research to build them, was in there. I was most upset about that.
With this looming storm cloud of mood shift depression, hanging over me, my mind is like jelly at times. I had been jotting notes in my idea book, while walking to the car, and left it on the baby seat of the shopping cart at Walmart in a bad part of town.
I’ve said the following before, in my writings, that I am not a religious person. I just wasn’t raised with it. But, I have become a very spiritual person. I believe that God’s energy and power are in every living thing. I have thus found a way to connect, spiritually, through religious conversations with my friends who are religious. That said, in the past I used to live by a system of “Karma Points.” When I had done bad, I did good to make up for it. If I had accidentally done a lot of good, then I had a reserve set aside to do bad. The nice thing about beliefs is that they can change or be completely scrapped as we grow, have experiences, or share ideas with other people. I’ve long scrapped this “Karma Point” system, as my spirituality has grown. Now, I do good for the sake of doing good and how it builds my esteem and identity. I can’t be spiritually connected if I am doing things that I know to be wrong or against my moral code. Period. It creates a paradox in my mind, then a wall goes up, and I begin compartmentalizing parts of myself. When I do that, I’m not fully connected to myself, others, or God.
For example, a few weeks ago a friend found a new iPhone under the seat of his car. Could have been a service technician’s – as he had gotten new tires and had work done on his car. I said I’d be happy to drop it to Sprint. I didn’t think they would give me information on the owner – I didn’t care. I wanted to have it returned without needing validation from the owner that I had done the right thing. I thought, in that case, I would probably say “thank you God” and carry around the wonderment that there are still good people left in this world. It might even influence my actions, pushing me to go out of my way to do the right thing for someone else. Like a rock skipped across the calm water, creating ripples each time it bounces off the surface. I like to wonder how many times that rock will touch the surface and how many lives are touched along the way. It always brings a smile to my face.
No. I’ve long let go of “Karma Points.” I carry my faith, and am more connected to it as my gratitude and good will expand.
I called Walmart. Calm. Ready to accept my responsibility in whatever the response was.
“Are you Brennan Lollar?”
“I am.” I smiled so wide it hurt.
“We have your organizer here at customer service. Oh, looks like there is a lot of cash in there. Just come on up and we will have it ready for you.”
Then she says the words that sum it all up, when I told her how grateful I was: “God is good, hun. God is good.”