I was told by one friend, that it’s “like you carry happy dust around and sprinkle it on people. Make things better.”
Another recently told me that it feels like I pull him into my world. When he is visiting this place, he feels “more creative, inspired, and better about himself.”
I think the equation is simple. I no longer focus on the negatives of people. I don’t try and control them or shame them for being who they are. I don’t react to their anger, when it’s directed at me, realizing that my actions could not possibly cause such a reaction – instead, I try to understand what is happening in their world.
I look for other people’s value, skills, and talent and try to elevate them. Sometimes, they don’t see it yet, at all. That’s okay.
When I approach people in this way, then I can learn from them. I can grow, develop new skills, learn new ways to cope and let my belief system evolve. Maybe I do see the world differently, or have imaginary happy dust… I’m not sure about that. But I do know that when I feel respected and valued, it raises my esteem, allowing me to reach my potential even further. I believe a friendship should be a two-way street, in that matter.
However, there are times where people come into my life that are stuck where I used to be. Negativity, blocked by self-doubt, or stuck in unhealthy cycles. I can show them a taste of the hope and happiness that I have found; how I am doing it. But, I’m not able to make it up the mountain with someone piggybacking on my shoulders. I can’t carry that much weight. We all need to walk that path on our own. I can share a path with someone or have hope that those paths will intersect again. However, I had to find my sense of direction within – it has taken A LOT of hard work, pain, challenges, and a continued daily regimen. This isn’t something that could have been handed to me, I had to want it and work for it. I can’t give what I have to someone else. They have to put the work in, themselves.
I wrote an article on my Litmus Test for relationships. It’s sad, but occasionally I meet someone spectacular, that can’t see it. They suck the energy from those around them, instead of radiating positive energy – like most all the people in my life, today. I don’t shame them. I don’t hurt their feelings. I don’t even tell them I’ve made a decision to separate unless I’m confronted. Then I am honest, as tactfully as possible.
I step back and give them space to walk their own path. To discover the things that I have seen – and someday they will. I’ve already shared my path with them, as well as tools in my mental toolbox. Now it’s up to them to gather their own tools and find their path to hope and happiness.
Years later, I have some amazing friendships with people that I have had to separate from. I also have some amazing friendships, now, with people who had to separate from me for the same reason.
**This picture is from a year ago. But looking back, I teared up a bit. There is a mystical connection between the three of us. We are three people all on a path to our peace and happiness. Came into each other’s lives in a random way, about the same time. Kade took a chance with a stranger (me) and embarked on a 4000 mile adventure, crisscrossing the country on the road. My aunt, whom I had not seen in SO many years, took a chance of having a lost nephew find his way to her with a mysterious friend. We all boded in ways that I can’t describe – and reconnect in ways that cannot be random. Always there when we need each other. Love you guys.