I had to make a decision: to be happy or continue to simply exist? The decision to be happy came around September of last year – I was homeless and living out of my car, on the road.
I had gotten in trouble in many ways (possible legal trouble, that worked itself out), disappointed and hurt everyone I knew (again), and hated the person that I was. I was doing the bare minimum to live; waiting to die. I had left, on my journey, with the intentions of never connecting to another person. As I came out of a nasty drug relapse, and my head cleared in upstate New York (now living out of a tent), I made a decision to change. Not for show or to “survive,” but realized that I had to. For me.
I made the decision to find the path to happiness.
I used my new Instagram to document my journey and began connecting to people in magnificent ways. Met people on the road that became like family. Change was happening, but I didn’t know how to focus it.
I had tried in the past. Learned so many tools in recovery and outpatient programs for my bipolar disorder. But felt overwhelmed by the number of daily things that I had to do. I also hadn’t let go of some unhealthy ideas and my huge false pride.
In the past 6 months, the real progress has occurred. Leading up to that, I was experimenting with things that did and didn’t work. I had to learn that change comes slowly. Pick one or two things and be consistent with them. Keep what sticks and replace what doesn’t. Be patient with myself. When I fail, not to let it knock me back down to the foot of the mountain. Just dust off and keep pushing.
I wont be making New Years resolutions. That has always been a set up for failure. Instead, I’ll see every day as a “New Year” and continue walking the path to become a better person.
I say this for those of my friends who feel overwhelmed by change. Dont worry. Dont stress. Try one or two things that you have been wanting to change – and you dont have to wait till the New Year. 😂😂 Every day is a good day to try something new or do something that makes you feel better about yourself.